Random IT Quotes, Sayings, and Jokes

What follows are quotes I’ve seen, read, or heard during my time in IT. I’ve tried to keep this list tasteful but some jokes require the vulgar.

  • Kludgy – a system and especially a computer system made up of poorly matched components.
  • I would tell you a UDP joke but you probably won’t get it
  • Nothing’s impossible to the person who doesn’t have to do the work.
  • Prioritize. Plan. Execute.
  • If you need to let a tree burn to save the forest, you let that tree burn.
  • If you want immediate feedback, always make changes in production
  • First time you volunteer. Second time it’s expected.
  • “If you perform the miracle of the loaves and the fishes once, when the people are in great need, you’re the messiah. If you do it whenever they ask, you’re a caterer.”
  • When you try to teach them to fish, they become upset, because you are very clearly communicating to them that you will not be handing them a fish every day.
  • “two ways to do things: right. or again.”
  • “Why do things right when you can do them now”
  • “That’s why it’s a project plan not a project thought”
  • “The reward for hard work, is more hard work.”
  • Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can’t have all three).
  • A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  • Everyone has a test environment… not everyone is lucky enough to have a separate production environment.
  • It’s illegal to push a user down the stairs and sing “Everyone loves a slinky!”
  • I’ll take that with a grain of salt… and a shot of tequila with a lime.
  • If your tequila need salt and lime, you need better tequila.
  • “how do you eat an entire cow? one bite at a time”
  • “A sysadmin either works smart or constantly.”
  • “Repeat after me: email is not instant messenger.”
  • “There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.”
  • “Of course I’m not busy, I did it right the first time.”
  • work to live, not live to work.
  • people quit managers not jobs
  • “Data centers (particularly those with legacy hardware) are like nursing homes. When you turn out the lights, you can’t really expect everyone to wake up in the morning.”
  • “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem”
  • When you assume you make an ass out of u and me


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